apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize