Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
