I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Randomize
