I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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