Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I have fence marks all over my body
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
