there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
