either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize