i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
