Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
