sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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