You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Vodka?
Forever.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
