either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
