dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
