I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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