I can't breathe out the right side of my face
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
