my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
