My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
