when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
