I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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