Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
