I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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