That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
