is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
