He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
