Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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