is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
