im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Randomize
