he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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