I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
