dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
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