a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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