Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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