New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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