hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
