No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
do herpes really smell.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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