At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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