she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I just found a bag of teeth...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize