I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
