people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
