Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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