PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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