I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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