Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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