I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
