are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
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No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
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I'm gonna fight the coyote
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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