Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Randomize
