I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize