What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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