i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
