How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
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I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
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420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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