booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
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