me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
