it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
