Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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