I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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