the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
