Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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