He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
