theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize